I struggle sometimes with doubt; and right now I doubt myself. I doubt I meet the qualifications for a Christian leader, and sometimes it doesn't seem to me like I am making any progress toward that goal. I doubt this post will have any significance, because I doubt the drama will resolve itself. I doubt the majority of people will even notice this post, and I doubt the minority that do will even care.
Friday, September 16, 2005
An overdue one.
Things haven't been going too well. I've had a lot on my mind, and less time it seems to take care of it. That is why I haven't made regular journal entries like I wanted too, and that is why I am on the internet as the time indicates. Things of the youth group are weighing on my on mind. I feel responsible, like I sinned- either commission or omission. Maybe there some prayer that I didn't say. Maybe there was some five minutes that I was supposed to spend with somebody. Maybe there was something I did, or something I said. Maybe I said this one word of gossip that floated around. Maybe I passed judgement and someone saw it on my face. Maybe I didn't do a good enough job of taming my tongue. But it's hard. It's hard to correct your sin when most people don't have the guts or the biblical knowledge to rebuke you in it. It's hard when most people want to talk about ministry and fruit and conversations, but no one wants to talk about sin. No one wants to talk about how much sin separates us from God, as well as God's blessings. No one wants to talk about the fact that despite God's loving forgiveness for our sins, it doesn't change the fact that the effects of the sin are still there even if the sin isn't.
I struggle sometimes with doubt; and right now I doubt myself. I doubt I meet the qualifications for a Christian leader, and sometimes it doesn't seem to me like I am making any progress toward that goal. I doubt this post will have any significance, because I doubt the drama will resolve itself. I doubt the majority of people will even notice this post, and I doubt the minority that do will even care.Back to top
I struggle sometimes with doubt; and right now I doubt myself. I doubt I meet the qualifications for a Christian leader, and sometimes it doesn't seem to me like I am making any progress toward that goal. I doubt this post will have any significance, because I doubt the drama will resolve itself. I doubt the majority of people will even notice this post, and I doubt the minority that do will even care.
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1 comment:
Thank you for all your words of encouragement. I don't normally receive a lot of comments on this site besides Kevin, and I didn't think that so many people would read it. Betterment is a word. I love to SQT, but I can't afford the time right now. I don't normally doubt myself, it was just a moment of uncertainty. As often as I normally don't pray for other people, I certainly don't deserve yours, so thank you very much.
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